oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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