we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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