So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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