remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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