took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
