in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize