I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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