dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
he just fucked me for my cheese..
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
