I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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