we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
