I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
