Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
