In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
