member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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