Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
