you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
