Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
