if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
