So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
