Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
