I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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