She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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