Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
my being single is dangerous.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
