Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
