I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
