My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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