Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
