Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
