can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
