I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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