when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
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She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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