sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
