im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
