Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
