Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
