I want to have your abortion
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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