I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
