New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
