I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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