he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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