Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
