watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize