He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
