I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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