they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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