There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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