are you so shy because you have an std?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
