there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Randomize
