Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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