bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
