if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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