I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
