Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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