I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
