im having a threesome with these popsicles
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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