and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
