u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
