I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
