I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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