He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
