What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
