Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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