Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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