By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Soap is not a condiment
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
