I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
