It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm at about main and main street
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
