hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Randomize
