his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
