the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
