I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
