A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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